My answers to the Pride Month questions posed by LaPelosa on Tumblr
what is your sexuality?
I am bisexual.
what gender do you identify as?
Genderqueer / nonbinary / genderfluid.
how long have you been aware of your gender?
Pretty much forever, before I had words to describe it. As a kid, I was a tomboy, and my parents encouraged me to like whatever hobbies and interests I wanted, regardless of gender.
how long have you been aware of your sexuality?
Since I was about 14.
share a positive memory about coming out!
That time I came out to my boss and she completely took it in her stride.
Boss: you look happy
Me: yes I have a girlfriend
Boss: oh that’s great 🙂 I wondered if you were bisexual
how do you feel about pride month?
Pride month is good because it’s a chance to focus on LGBTQ2SIA stories, and remind the rest of the world that we have rights and sometimes those rights are being ignored or rolled back. It’s not good when it gets commercialized; when companies use it to pinkwash their products and services; or when it excludes kinksters, trans people, people of colour, asexuals, or disabled people. The first Pride was a riot started by trans women of colour; sex workers and kinksters have always been part of Pride. Let’s not “sanitize” Pride out of some misguided drive towards respectability politics. Bigoted people hate us regardless, so the whole queer community should be welcome at Pride.
On our way to Oxford (UK) pride in 2015 or 2016, we met a grandma who was also on her way to Pride. She had given her little dog a rainbow scarf and said she was going to Pride to support her granddaughter. So lovely. People like that should also be welcomed at Pride.
do you participate in pride related events? any other events?
how do you feel about lgbtq roles in media?
We need more visible LGBTQ2SIA people and stories in the media.
do you feel pride in who you are?
who has been your supportive idols in your self discovery?
Other LGBTQ+ people, especially bisexuals.
tell us about your first crush?
what sort of advice do you have for lgbtq teens?
Be yourself, and if others are giving you a hard time for your gender or sexuality, find a support group, and get in contact with organizations that exist to help.
have you come out to friends and family?
Yes. I have to keep reminding people that I am bisexual, though, because I am in a long-term relationship with a man.
how do you feel about the term “coming out”?
I think it is helpful, though I look forward to the day when there is no default assumption that people will be straight, so people have to come out as straight too.
do you believe there is a “closet” to come out of?
It depends where you live and how LGBTQ2SIA-affirming your family and friends are.
any tips on coming out?
Come out to someone who you know to be queer-affirming before coming out to more ‘difficult’ people, or those whose response you are not sure of.
what’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to lgbtq characterization in media? The way lesbians and trans women are often made to die lonely and unfulfilled deaths in movies.
what’s your favorite parts of lgbtq characterization in media?
When the movie or TV show is made by LGBTQ2SIA people. Representation matters.
what did your teachers say about the lgbtqa community in school? Not a lot, because Section 28 was still in force at the time.
what’s an absolute turn off for you in the opposite/same gender?
Biphobia, transphobia, homophobia, racism, anti-Indigenous views, ableism, fatphobia. Oh and also smoking.
what’s an absolute turn on for you in the opposite/same gender?
how do you feel about lgbtq clubs/apps/websites? They’re useful: a way to create community and mutual support networks.
how do you feel about the term “queer” ?
I like it in much the same way as I like the word witch.
how does your country view the lgbtq community?
Still not positively enough – there’s a general backsliding towards bigotry in the anglosphere.
any tips for heterosexual and/or cisgender people on how to handle lgbtq events/news?
If it’s happy news, be happy; if it’s sad news, be sad. Don’t share stories of anti-LGBTQ2SIA bigotry and tag your queer friends, as they may be triggered by the bigotry. Do speak up when your cis-het friends express bigoted views.
what’s the most annoying question you have ever gotten?
[after I had sent a link explaining what genderqueer means] “But what do you mean by genderqueer?” (Answer: the same as everyone else means by it, which is why I sent you the link to a webpage about it)
how do you feel about receiving questions about your sexuality/gender?
An opportunity to educate, if the question is asked in the right spirit, and if it is a question about my lived experience, rather than a question that they could have got the answer to via an online search.
If you enjoyed this post, you might like my new book, Dark Mirror: the Inner Work of Witchcraft.