People are often confused that I’m a blogger but I really value privacy. They seem to think that having any sort of internet presence is incompatible with privacy. In this post, I will attempt to explain why that is not the case, why privacy matters to me, why it should matter to you, and what that has to do with Pagan stuff.
Continue readingconsent
Notable and quotable 18
It’s been ages since I’ve done a “notable and quotable” post, but a couple of posts showed up on my feed this week that I had to share, so here it is.
A Gardnerian Statement on Consent & Abuse
An important statement from some members of the Gardnerian Wicca community:
I affirm and agree to the above statement.
Yvonne Aburrow
Believing Survivors
“Shame stops children reporting abuse in religious institutions” – The Guardian
Every group where there’s trust and closeness attracts abusers. But there are some key features which make it more likely that abuse will go unchecked.
TW: abuse survivors may find some aspects of this article triggering.
Culture change and cat-herding
There’s always a difficult process when one group of people feels passionately that something needs to change, and another group of people feel that the status quo is just fine, usually (but not always) because they are not affected by the thing that the first group feels is in need of change.
What tactics should we adopt to try to bring about the change? An open letter? A declaration? A community statement? A petition? Or a pledge to boycott?
Creating inclusive rituals
It is a useful magical and intellectual exercise to examine each segment of your ritual structure, and ask yourself why you do it in the particular way that you do. Why do we sweep the circle, consecrate it with water, salt, and incense, cast it with a sword, and so on? What is the function and symbolism of each of these actions? Can they be improved – either in the sense of making them more magically effective, more reflective of reality, or more inclusive?
Rethinking Sacred Prostitution
Sex workers, like all other workers, ought to be able to work regular hours, have a pension, get time off when they are ill, be safe and healthy at work, and not be exploited. When they want to change careers and do something else, the fact that they have been a sex worker should not be stigmatised, as this will prevent them from choosing a different career.
PAGAN CONSENT CULTURE Anthology Is Available!
cover by Shauna Aura Knight
Christine Hoff Kraemer and Yvonne Aburrow are pleased to announce the release of Pagan Consent Culture: Building Communities of Empathy and Autonomy, a new collection from Asphodel Press.
How might a Druid understand consent? How about a Wiccan, a Thelemite, a Heathen, or a Polytheist? In this collection, Pagans of many traditions show how to ground good consent practices in Pagan stories, liturgies, and values.
Although many Pagans see the body and sexuality as sacred, Pagan communities still struggle with the reality of assault and abuse. To build consent culture, good consent practices must be embraced by communities, not just by individuals—and consent is about much more than sexuality. Consent culture begins with the idea of autonomy, with recognizing our right to control our bodies and selves in all areas of life; and it is sustained by empathy, the ability to understand and share the emotional states of others.
In Part One of Pagan Consent Culture, writers develop specifically Pagan philosophies of consent, tackling complex issues such as power differentials, sexual initiation, rape culture in traditional myths, and relationships with the gods. Part Two presents personal narratives of abuse and healing, as well as policies to help prevent sexual abuse and assault and to effectively respond to it when it occurs. Finally, Part Three provides resources for teaching and practicing consent culture, including curricula and exercises for children and adults.
Pagan Consent Culture is available from Asphodel Press (via Lulu.com) in paperback and electronic formats.
Check out the Pagan Consent Culture website for further resources, as well as a free study guide!
www.paganconsentculture.com
Table of Contents
Part I: Developing Pagan Philosophies of Consent
- Culture of Consent, Culture of Sovereignty: A Recipe from a Druid’s Perspective, by John Beckett
- Thelema and Consent, by Brandy Williams
- Consent within Heathenry, by Sophia Sheree Martinez
- Matriarchy and Consent Culture in a Feminist Pagan Community, by Yeshe Rabbit
- Wicca and Consent, by Yvonne Aburrow
- The Anderson Faery Tradition and Sexual Initiation: An Interview with Traci, by Helix
- Consent. Contact. An Animist Approach to Consent, by Theo Wildcroft
- Seeking a Morality of Difference: A Polytheological Approach to Consent, by Julian Betkowski
- The Charge of the Goddess: Teachings about Desire and Its End, and Their Limitations, by Grove Harris
- Walking the Underworld Paths: BDSM, Power Exchange, and Consent in a Sacred Context, by Raven Kaldera
- Saving Iphigenia: Escaping Ancient Rape Culture through Creating Modern Myths, by Thenea Pantera
- Is “Tam Lin” a Rape Story? Yes, Maybe, and No, by A. Acland
- Godspousery and Consent, by Sebastian Lokason
Part II: Responding to Abuse and Assault
- The Third Degree: Exploitation and Initiation, by Jason Thomas Pitzl
- From Fear into Power: Transforming Survivorship Sarah Twichell Rosehill
- In the Midst of Avalon: Casualties of the Sexual Revolution, by Katessa S. Harkey
- Responding to Abuse in the Pagan Community, by Cat Chapin-Bishop
- Sexual Assault and Abuse Prevention: Safeguarding Policies for Pagan Communities, by Kim and Tracey Dent-Brown, with the Triple Horse Coven
- The Rite and Right of Refusal: Sexual Assault Prevention and Response in Communities and at Festivals, by Diana Rajchel
- Sex-Positive, Not Sex-Pressuring: Consent, Boundaries, and Ethics in Pagan Communities, by Shauna Aura Knight
- Living in Community with Trauma Survivors, by Lydia M. N. Crabtree
- Consent in Intergenerational Community, by Lasara Firefox Allen
Part III: Building Communities of Autonomy and Empathy
- Mindful Touch as a Religious Practice, by Christine Hoff Kraemer
- Consent Culture: Radical Love and Radical Accessibility, by Stasa Morgan-Appel
- Wild Naked Pagans and How to Host Them, by Tom Swiss
- Respect, Relationship and Responsibility: UU Resources for Pagan Consent Education, by Zebrine Gray
- Self-Possession as a Pillar of Parenting, by Nadirah Adeye
- Paganism, Children, and Consent Culture: An Interview with Sierra Black, by Sarah Whedon
- Teaching Consent Culture: Tips and Games for Kids, Teens, and Adults, by Christine Hoff Kraemer
- Asperger’s Syndrome and Consent Culture: An Interview with Vinnie West, Joshua Tenpenny, and Maya Kurentz, by Raven Kaldera
- Consent in Gardnerian Wiccan Practice, by Jo Anderson, with the Triple Horse Coven
- Teaching Sex Magick, by Sable Aradia
- Healing the Hungry Heart, by B. B. Blank
Appendices
- Additional Resources
- Sample Handout: Tradition-Specific Consent Culture Class
- The Earth Religion Anti-Abuse Resolution (1988)
- A Pagan Community Statement on Religious Sexual Abuse (2009)
The Need for Story, Witness, Truth
Today, the same day that Dane County’s District Attorney failed to indict Officer Matt Kenny in the shooting death of Tony Terrell Robinson, I came across a face from my past, posted on Facebook. He hasn’t changed.
“I’m sure he’s a nice guy, overall,” I said to myself. “He was just too young to know better.”
“And I didn’t say no very loudly,” I said to myself. “I probably wasn’t forceful enough. It would have been easy not to hear me.”
“He was too drunk to know what he was doing, or hear what I was saying,” I said to myself. “He was—wait, what?!”
I’m one of the most pro-woman, pro-femme and pro-feminist people I know. And I had just repeated how many all-too-familiar, all-too-common excuses. And I’ve been repeating those lines to myself for almost twenty five years.
I never realized until today that the scripts I’ve called out as bullshit so many times were scripts I had internalized myself in my own history.
I curled up on the bed and sobbed for an hour as I never did when I was eighteen, not one iota less humiliated, confused, guilty-feeling than I was then, but finally allowing myself to give expression to those feelings and admit what happened to me.
I was in a situation one night that felt pressured, threatening, unsafe, and unwinnable. The next day he smiled at me. So did his friend.
That guy was not a bad guy, you know? That’s why I didn’t realize what had just happened to me.
I hear Officer Matt Kenny is a nice guy too. Our justice models fail us by focusing on individuals rather than systems. I’m no criminal justice expert. But today it was brought home to me, twice over, that something isn’t working here. How do we define justice, when (in the words of Walt Kelly’s Pogo) We have met the enemy, and he is us?
(This famous quote was originally used for Earth Day. Although it’s not within the scope of my small reflection here, I think a compelling case could be made that moving to a restorative justice model could revolutionize environmental movements as well.)
It’s hopelessly complicated. It’s hopelessly tangled and ambiguous. I rely on voices from the Young Gifted and Black Coaltion and Justified Anger to help me learn. Some other day I’ll figure how all this fits with environmentalism and spirituality and whatever this thing called Paganism is…but I feel pretty strongly this: the voices and stories in any situation need to be heard—and heard by all of us. Safe space needs to be created for speaking truth and deep listening on all sides. And stories, witnessing, need to be a bigger part of the justice equation. What if we focused on healing the harm on every side, rather than punishing (or failing to punish) the perpetrators of violence? By focusing on individuals, we too easily and often miss the larger, deeply entrenched and internalized systemic injustices which form and inform us, day in and out.
Elections, Politics, Consent, and #sexyvoterhaiku
Yesterday I was a crap mom.
Yesterday I got nothing done on my to-do list. My house remained a mess. I sat in a chair the entire day, almost.
I burned dinner. We ate bread.
I burned my eyes out staring at the computer screen.
Yesterday was an election day.
Yesterday over the course of eight hours I wrote a series of 69 haiku and published them on facebook and twitter. It was a completely improvisatory performance, unfolding in real time, exploring the metaphor of elections and politics as sexy, as seduction, as the whole damntangle.
It wasn’t something I planned. I just started noodling around in the morning with the idea that “voting is sexy” and before I knew it I was composing Sexy Voter Haiku one after another, and posting on facebook until the polls closed at 8 PM. Sometimes it happens that way.
Your name’s on the list.
You would be missed. Show up.
Tell me what you want.
Sexy Voter Haiku. As a friend and political scientist commented, “Never before have those three words been used together in the English language.” Of course it is ridiculous. Politics is not sex.
And yet, it is.
(consent edition)
Say what you want to
happen. It can’t happen if
you don’t say it, first.
In my opinion, last night the bad guys won. These are the goons who brought us mandatory transvaginal probes. If they (continue to) have their way over the next 2-4-6-10 years, the land will be gutted and fracked, waters polluted, public schools decimated, and cities and towns starved of funding. I think it’s pretty clear what is going on here.
Hold the pen, hold the
paper with its questions. Press.
Turn this poet on.
When is consensus like consent? How about compromise? That old idea that we keep talking til everyone verbally agrees and partners with each other.
These guys don’t work that way.
My colleagues here at the Mound, Christine Hoff Kraemer and Yvonne Aburrow are working on an anthology around the theme of consent in the pagan community(ies). It’s on my mind this morning, as I process the election results.
so many fingers
press so many buttons and then
watch the results
And this is what Sexy Voter Haiku gives us: a(nother) form of poetry that engages directly with political action and the public sphere.
Because in the face of powerlessness and defeat, Sexy Voter Haiku responds not with anger or despair, but with…joy. Delight. Silliness. This is life loving and life giving.
You do not need an
ID. And the cab is free.
Wisconsin quickie.
These are dark times, but we don’t have to feel defeated by them. Creation stands opposite to war, destruction, and indifference. And after all, good things can happen in the dark: secrets whispered, revolutions begun, seeds planted, babies made.
Moved my pen again
and again. Then the ballot
machine swallowed it.
So here is my series of 69 Sexy Voter Haiku, written on 11/4/14 from about 8 in the morning to 8 at night. They respond to my own experiences throughout the hours, the articles I was reading, the errands I was running. Some of them were written in direct response to comments or requests from friends, but I trust they all make sense, more or less, here in this context.
Now I want to see yours. Already I see a few appearing from my friends, here and there. This morning Wisconsin’s Secretary of State had a beauty, although he didn’t know it:
“This has been a ve-
ry wild and sad night. Final
results not in yet.”
There are people who are well-organized, well-funded, well-scripted who are winning right now. But…they are not sexy or juicy people. They don’t play very much or very well.
That is one of our advantages.
And, it should be clear, what I’m looking for and asking for doesn’t have to be haiku. It doesn’t have to be poetry. The challenge is to find that action that feels creative and joyful and life-giving to you, and use that to engage with the political, the community, the moment.
The revolution may or may not be televised. But it will be joyful through the dark, if I have anything to say about it. And it turns out, I do.
this kiss courtesy of Shutterstock.com
Sexy Voter Haiku
Sarah Sadie
November 4, 2014
1
Your name’s on the list.
You would be missed. Show up.
Tell us what you want.
2 (consent edition)
Say what you want to
happen. It can’t happen if
you don’t say it, first.
3
Hold the pen, hold the
paper with its questions. Press.
Turn this poet on.
4
so many fingers
press so many buttons and then
watch the results
5
You do not need an
ID. And the cab is free.
Wisconsin quickie.
6
Moved my pen again
and again. Then the ballot
machine swallowed it.
7 (literati edition)
Uppity women
wearing badges with honor
me and Hester Prynne
8 (bake sale edition)
Afterwards something
sugary to eat because
it makes me hungry.
9 (on being #360 to vote at my ward)
You spin me right round,
baby right round like a record
baby Rock the vote.
10
Politicians put
themselves in my bedroom, so
here I am. In bed.
11
Because when it comes
to turnout size does matter.
Please please me. Vote.
12
If I’m missing
a syllable, that’s where
you take a breath.
13
or maybe today
we have more important things
to count
14 (fb feed edition)
so far the porn one
has the most “likes”…oh Zuck, what
will you do with me
15
Vote. The cold shower
can wait. I want to be with
you when you go…vote.
16
Just think: from seven
this morning to eight tonight.
A woman can dream.
17
More and more of us
voting: how else to upset
Republicans…hmmm….
18 (phone bank edition)
Mine is the low voice
calling to say this is it,
today, now, please…
19
Why did I think I
would get anything else done
on election day
20
If what they’re doing
doesn’t make you hot and bothered
maybe I can. vote.
21
It steams up tonight
after polling closes. All
this is just build up.
22 (on voter education)
Know before you go.
I can tell you a little
learning goes a long way.
23
Buildup or foreplay
which is sexier…who cares,
open turns me on.
24
Women’s disenfran-
chisement was never sexy.
Go vote.
25
How long are the lines?
Not nearly long enough. I
am not satisfied.
26
Who says politics
and poetry don’t mix. Strange
bedfellows, but fun.
27
My presentation
on poems and civic engagement
is writing itself.
28
Wearing my sticker
to the grocery store…oh,
and a new bra, too.
29 (married edition)
“If you don’t vote, no
conjugal anything.”…(sly
smile, back home) “Long lines…”
30
You think I’m done? I
haven’t even mentioned the
word “tight.” We’re good, peeps.
31
Today it is tight
in many places. Insert
yourself. Vote.
32
Who needs a ride to
the polls? I’m ready to take
you where you want to go.
33 (early afternoon, strong turnout reported so far)
This is about the
time a woman hopes you will
keep going just keep…
34 (regarding voter fraud and difficulty)
We need to talk a-
bout protection. Be smart. Be
assertive. Own it.
35
Voting is far more
effective than Viagra.
Let’s end impotence.
36
Tweeting every one.
Because who wouldn’t want a
repeat performance?
37
Tell me you’ll be here
tonight. I don’t want to be
alone at the close.
38 (Poet Laureate edition)
Public poet is
a strange position but I
think it works for us.
39 (more about turnout)
When is big big
enough? Asked no woman
ever. Go vote.
40 (Rock the vote, 2)
U2 in my head
“You take me higher…” Now you, too,
take me higher. Vote.
41
To do this, you must
trust. You must be a grownup.
You must show up.
42 (on the rule that tablets and phones may prove residence)
Battery operated
devices are accepted
in this state I’m in.
43 (seeing pictures of suffragettes)
all these pictures of
women doing it must make
you want to, too.
44
Midterm, midlife, I’m
not hard to please and not too proud:
show me your sticker.
45
Me and the pumpkin
spice latte “Keeping fall spicy”
Spice up your night: vote.
46
Just when I start to
feel tired, the post work voters
tell me “You’re not done.”
47
Let’s try something new.
Because aren’t you too bored with
the same old same old?
48
This is what third wave
Sex positive feminism
Sounds like. Turned on? Vote.
49 (about 5 PM)
We still have hours to
go which in almost any game
is more than enough.
50 (if you’re in line when the polls close)
don’t let anyone
tell you differently:
if you’re in you’re in
51
no one calls it yet:
we’re not done here and you’re not
allowed to fake it
52
ask their history
before you consent and they
should ask your consent. Vote.
53
How am I doing this?
Four long years of frustration,
people. Long enough.
54
Nothing is sexier
than a first time voter I
don’t care your age. Vote.
55
Oh my one track mind
burned the hell out of dinner.
Bread it is, kids.
56
Right wing pundits say
we shouldn’t vote our gender?
So not getting any.
57
I know the only
reason you haven’t voted yet:
to hear me beg. Please.
58
Quadruple digits
at many wards. Take me to
eleven, people.
59
By night’s end I will
be exhausted. But satisfied?
Remains to be seen.
60
If nothing else by
midnight there will be a new
poetic form
61
tonight and to-
morrow I expect a little
pillow talk, friends
62
to all of you who
have been my muses: it takes
two to do it right.
63
This is what happens
when I stop baking cupcakes
Complaints, anyone?
64 (On the rule that if you are in line at 8 PM, you can still vote if you stay in line)
Even better than
last time: if you’re in, stay in.
Please. Do this for me.
65
Now when people ask
What does a poet laureate do
I’ll have an answer
66
Thirty minutes left
Plenty of time for the
Wisconsin quickie
67
Stay with me just stay
with me a little longer
don’t roll over yet
68
do the talking heads
not know we like it slow and
steady? Counting votes is sexy.
69
I hope it was good
for you, friends. Whether it will
be good for us …we’ll see.
Dowsing for Divinity 